Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Hay, ang bilis talaga ng panahon, parang kailan lang, nagkukumahog akong pumila sa St. Raymond's bldg. para makakuha ng slot sa Journalism. Tapos ngayon, naka-graduate na si Michee (my sister) sa college at papasok na ng kolehiyo si Ken (my brother). I feel so old!
Parang kailan lang, jobless ako. Pa-pasa-pasa ng resume, pa-surf-surf sa jobstreet at pa-browse-browse ng mga classifieds ng mga broadsheet. Ngayon, mag-iisang taon na ako dito sa trabho ko. Regular employee na. Sumasahod na ng very slightly above minimum. Sinisindak na ng mga amo. Nagkukumahog tuwing umaga para hindi ma-late dahil sayang din ang ibabawas sa sweldo. Ang bawat sentimo ay mahalaga. (yak, parang napaka dukha ko naman nito!)
Pero ano na nga ba ang natutunan ko sa nagdaang isang taon? Ano na ang nag-bago sa akin almost one year after graduating from UST?
Unang una'y ako parin ito, ­only more stressed, harassed and haggard, but never less b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l (ang kokontra'y hindi na aabot sa anumang final interview kahit kailan).
Siguro mas nag-mature na rin ako ngayon (talaga lang ha), ewan ko lang kung sasang-ayon si Pauldo…may panahon lang talaga na pasaway ako.
Well, nag-mature in the sense na naging mas disiplinado na 'ko ngayon. Sa pag-gising sa umaga, pagka-cruches (para mabawasan naman ang bulges), pag-kain ng tama at pagpigil sa sariling bumili ng mga magazines. 
Marami na rin akong natutunan. Marunong na 'kong mag-file ng OT, undertime, SL at OB. Marunong na 'kong gumawa ng iba't ibang klaseng sulat at memo.
Pero ang pinaka mahalaga ko na yatang natutunan ay walang iba kundi ang pagtitipid (natuto nga ba 'ko?). Dahil masasabi ko nang pinaghihirapan ko ang perang ginagastos ko, natuto akong magpahalaga dito. Not that I didn't value my parents' financial support before. Mas pinahalagahan ko pa nga 'yon dahil syempre hindi naman ako ang nag-hirap para kitain ang perang 'yon. Pero ngayong ako na mismo ang nagbubuhos ng oras, pagod,dugo, pawis at uutak, natutunan ko na mahirap pala talaga ang kumita ng pera. Kaya naman marunong na akong mag-budget ngayon. Inaalam ko muna kung kailangan ko ba o gusto ko lang ang isang bagay bago ko bilhin (siyempre paminsan-minsan nagwawagi parin ang want sa need, pag talagang ggustong-gusto ko ang isang bagay, but I'm working on it).
Ngayong mag-iisang taon na ako dito sa kompanya, umaasa akong marami pa akong matututunan at malalaman (na magagamit ko sa susunod kong a-apply-an kung sakaling toyoin na ako dito sa kasalukuyan kong trabaho). Nawa'y humaba pa ang pasensya ko (at ang palda ko dahil hindi na ako masyadong komportable dito), maging matiyaga pa ako upang magawa ang kahit na anong trabaho (kahit hindi na ito kasali sa job description ko at halatang inaabuso na ang kakayahan ko), matatag upang harapin ang mga bosing (lalo na kung maso-sopla ako) at manatiling maganda (dahil wala lang, gusto ko lang, sino ba naman ang gustong malosyang at pumangit anoh?!).

I shall remain optimistic while in this cruel world despite overwhelming challenges and head-splitting dilemmas. 
 

More power to me and best wishes to all my endeavors!

Are you sad right now?

Is your heart filled with anger?

Do you hate the people around you?

Do you want to be somebody else?

Do you hate yourself?

Are you always jealous of others?

Are you discontented with what you have?

Are you discontented with who you are?

Are you willing to do something for your happiness but at the expense of others?

Is lying okay with you? I

s cheating okay with you?

Do you lack trust?

Do you lack self-confidence?

Are you always lustful?

Are you in favor of abortion?

Do you take drugs? Is stealing okay with you?

Are you corrupt in any way?

I thought that the hardest part of getting a job would be fitting in, getting along with the new environment and making friends with total strangers whom I would be working with every single work day.  I was wrong. There is something even harder, not to mention more painful, and almost hard to accept, especially when it's your very first job.

When I got this job, I absolutely had no idea what work environment to expect. I did not have a single clue on how my new officemates would be like and I didn't know how I should interact with them. I mean, should I approach them first? Should I introduce myself? How do I know if I'm making friends with the "right set"? Things like that bothered me, but when I actually started working, I felt at ease almost instantly because some of my officemates immediately showed signs of friendship. Of course I was not absolutely at home and comfortable with their company right away. I still needed to adjust but there was no difficulty at all since I have found (I believe) the "right set" (of friends).

Sandz, Katts, Minds and Eds are among the closest friends that I've made in the office. Eds was my seatmate, therefore I had no choice but to talk to him. He made my first months in the office, which were very crucial, easier. I can be such a baby sometimes and he has always been there to baby-sit me. Whenever I had questions about the company policies or other things, he has always made an effort to give me answers.

Sandz is the mirror of my personality.  I don't know if it has something to do with us being both Geminis, but I often see myself in the things that she does…not everything okay, because she has a tendency to do really crazy things that I have no guts to do (peace Sandz!), but little things like being paranoid and being always conscious of what other people think makes her my…sort of soul sister…I guess.

Katts is the makulit one who would always ask if I have food or anything edible, everytime she passes by my post to go to the comfort room, which is about every 15 minutes. She's smart and hip and has a strong faith. Despite our age difference (peace Katts!) and having different religions (she's a Baptist), we get along well (and she gets along wit Paul very well, too). I guess it's her nature to be friendly. She can get along with everyone in the office, which not every employee can do. She can joke around with almost everyone without offending anyone. I admire her for that since I am extremely shy and don't have enough "courage" to even talk to officemates that I'm not really close to.

Minds is the Maria Clara with a twist (and it's one heck of a twist). We are also similar in the sense that we are both shy but when in the company of close friends, we can say the most hilarious things that people who are not close to us would not imagine us saying. Iba kaming bumanat ni Minda.

Minda was the first to go…well, not actually go as in resign from work. In fact she was sort of promoted, but she had to move to the office of the "biggest" boss and be confined there the whole day. Yup, she isn't allowed to go out of that big box unless it's call of nature or an emergency.

Then it was Sandz' time to leave. She resigned from work.

Now, Katts has started showing signs that she has intentions to leave, too. Actually, she did not just show me through her actions, she showed me through her resignation letter that she wanted me to check.

Eds is not my seatmate anymore. His department transferred. His post is still near mine, but it's just not the same. We hardly talk now.

It is during these times that I wish I hadn't made any friends at all. Maybe if I had not been too close to them, I wouldn't feel this lonely and so alone…

By the way, did I mention that Paul has already started training for his job? His sched is from 9 pm to 6 am. His classes are about to start, too. He has a 7:30 am to 12-noon sched every M-W-F and 4 pm to 8 pm classes every T-TH. I have an 8-6 sched from Mon. to Thurs and 8-5 sched every Fri. Kailan kami magkikita? So far, we still find time to "meet up" and text each other.

**I am okay now. I think. Well, we have to be really optimistic sometimes right? As optimistic as possible, even to the point of agreeing with ourselves despite being convinced that we are totally disagreeable. That is what I have been doing lately. And I believe that I am succeeding so far. Again, I'm being optimistic.

***After a couple of days of weighing her options (as if she had any) and pretending to actually consider staying and not push through with her planned resignation, Katts finally forwarded her formal notice of resignation from the company to her immediate boss. I would have told her "this is it Katts, there's no turning back," but then some of the superiors seem to refuse to accept her resignation letter, citing every reason they could think of just to delay her 'departure.'

I am sad that one of my very few friends here in the office is leaving, but at the same time I am not happy with the way things are going for Katts. She seems to have everything planned already (although she doesn't really have any concrete plans as in a NEW JOB). I just wish that this saga ends with everybody happy and nobody hurt or seriously injured.

**Speaking of optimism, I am happy that Paul too is positive about his new job. Despite having so little sleep (and time for me), he says he enjoys the training (oo, training palang ito). Being the social animal that he is, he managed to establish new 'friends' immediately. He really doesn't have any problem mingling with other people, unlike me.

At first I was like the kontrabida (again) in his new endeavor because I really don't like him to abuse his body and get sick eventually due to stress. I kept on telling him to think about it very carefully (okay, so at one point I was asking him to quit but it was for HIS OWN GOOD) since he admitted that he was already having second thoughts about the job. Plus, I don't want his studies to take a backseat (again). I always tell him that his studies should come first and there will be a lot of better opportunities for him after he graduates.

Paul never listened. No, not because he's hardheaded (but he can sometimes be), but because he was very determined to succeed in both his wok and his studies. He told me something about feeling like a loser before, when he would start something that he would not be able to finish. He doesn't want to feel that way again. I am proud of him because I can see that he is really doing great in fulfilling this new task. And so I decided to become the supporting actress instead of the antagonist. From now on, I will support him and be optimistic, to the fullest sense of the word.