That first/last day at work experience made me realize so many things and reflect on what I'd really like to do with my life..that Ricky really looked so damn familiar! But then again, I might just be watching too much Koreanovelas..hehe

ANYWAY, that experience reminded me of Fr. Lana's sermon during our Baccalaureate Mass. He talked about taking things slow, not exactly about getting a job but life in general. "Huwag madaliin, dahil baka mahilaw" Er, I'm not sure if I got his exact words, but it was something like that.

So from now on, I'm gonna take things slow. Besides, nobody's pressuring me naman, not even my parents (so does this mean I have the license to bum around for a while?). In fact, they're very understanding. I guess they're not yet ready to send me out to the real world..just a hunch. I'm more calm now, really. I'm not freaking out anymore for not having a job. There will be other opportunities for me out there.

Speaking of realizations, I've gone through a BIG one recently..It was better that going to a retreat..God, I'm so..mean, immature, irresponsible and insensitive! How could I have done those horrible things to the person who did nothing but make me feel loved, cared for, and happy?!  And I wasn't aware that I was causing him too much (and I mean too much) pain. Am I stupid or what? I really felt so bad and guilty and i have a lot of repenting to do..haayy.. but again, I'm going to take things slow..

I feel much better now. I'm actually feeling relieved that everythings out. Now I am determined to change for the better and make up for the awful things that I've done.. 

I used to be a big fan of primetime dramas. (I can't believe I traded an evening with the Charmed Ones for Rosario, Rosenda and Rosemarie!)  But lately, the two biggest networks are airing a bunch of sh*ty telefantasyas. This new trend is slowly taking over the primetime scene in entertainment.

It started with Marina, a human-turned-mermaid-turned-human-turned-mermaid again...This fantaserye of Claudine Barretto had a good start, but unfortunately, something went wrong. I really think that ABS was wrong in prolonging the show. It became like a perya na towards the end with all these creatures. But nevertheless, Dugong has made her mark! hehe..  

Then came Kristala, a new super hero for Filipinos. Whether they admit it or not, Darna is the basis for creating this series. The unusual thing about this, I THINK, is that it stars Judy Ann Santos...Heck! imagine that used-to-be-chubby-drama-princess flying all over town. tsk tsk, sino ba naman ang hindi papayat! But in fairness to her, she did capture the hearts of young viewers (yung mga uto-uto pa! hehe).

Since flying had become the rage, what better way to abuse it than to create characters with wings and feathers. Yes, I'm talking about Mulawin. Like Marina, this telefantasya was off to a good start, but eventually started deteriorating. Dito naman, lahat ng characters naging Ravena. I really think that's stupid. Ergo, Mulawin is the stupidest show ever!

Spirits was next. I haven't (and will never, EVER) watched any episode but from the trailers, I can already say that I wouldn't enjoy it. I mean, who wants to watch a bunch of teenagers going to imaginary places, trying to save the world from impaktos and the like?

Now, Darna is something that I'm excited about..well, not so, but I'm looking forward to watching it. I mean, after all, she's the original Pinay superhero, right? I must say that their teasers are very interesting. Their special on the origin of Darna (Mars Ravelo, etc) really said something about the up coming seriese. The special effects and the miniature settings were impressive. I just hope that GMA doesn't screw things up by creating silly, irrelevant characters..

We (my whole family) had a busy day yesterday. Michee went to UST for her clearance. dad went to POEA, mom stayed at Galle, and Ken and I watched Ms. Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous. I'm a Sandra Bullock fan now.  She really is fabulous and very funny. I wish I had her height..

It was my first time to bond with my brother and I had a great time..except that I had to pay for the movie and our lunch. tsk tsk, kailangan ko na talagang humanap ng trabaho! pressure pressure pressure..

We parted ways after the movie because he had to call that Golda..so I wandered around Megamall 'till my feet ached pero wala parin akong nabili na matino! I'm starting to think that this is a disease that I inherited from my mom..

After searching the whole of Megamall thrice, Michee finally came. We met up and wandered some more. Then we met Ken at--surprise!--the Food Court! He looked really tired and hungry! It was Michee's turn to treat us for merienda so she bought siomai for her and Ken and New York Fries (with yummy garlic-parmesan dip) for me. I really am a sucker for fries.. hmp, pano ko papayat nito?!

I'm feeling so annoyed lately..I really don't know why. What is wrong with me? Oh well, maybe I'm just feeling so frustrated because I haven't lost any inches on my puson yet..D-A-R-N-!!

hay naku, se-sexy din ako!! patience, Ivee, PATIENCE! (and ACTION! for Pete's sake!)

Gotta go, I have to ready myself. Paul's coming over, yipee!!!

I stayed up later than usual last nigh because I wanted to watch Oprah. Angel Aquino daw was going to be there so I patiently waited. The topic was how 30-year-old women in different parts of the world live. I was pleasantly surprised on how women of various nationalities are living their lives.

Some are really very lucky to be in their respective countries, like in Kuwait. Can you imagine, women there do not have to worry about their education, medical assistance and other necessities. The government takes care of everything! Then, when one gets married, the government gives about S12,000. Half of it as a gift and the other half as a loan (without interest).

I actually thought that Kuwaiti women are still living in the age of too much oppression and that most of them are still uneducated. I imagined women walking in their sobrang conservative clothes that show nothing but their eyes, but I was wrong. Women there are almost, if not more stylish than, the girls of F!. The only thing that women in Kuwait still can't do is to vote. Yes, they get everything for free but they can't vote. Oh well, it's still ayoung democracy. Maybe in a few years, women will be allowed to vote na rin.

In Rwanda, women are considered lucky just to reach the age of 30. It's because ten years ago, there was a great massacre of the people, and most women were killed. Today, women in their 30s in Rwanda are trying their best to really go on with their lives and forget about the bloody memories of that massacre. I personally believe that they are one of the strongest women in the world, because they were able to endure so much pain and manage to make their lives, and others', better.

Finally, Angel's part came. I was disappointed that she only did a sort of VTR for the show. I was expecting a little more, you know, a full-length feature on Filipino women sana. Hay, she only talked about Pinays drinking coffee and how many branches of Starbucks we have! nakaka-inis talaga..so natulog na 'ko after..

I can't remember how this started, nor why. I just woke up one morning feeling so stressed..not physically..not emotionally. Spiritually.

I am fully aware that my soul is thirsty. I whole-heartedly admit that I've sinned. Against people who love me, against God, and against myself. I am deeply hurt. So deep that sometimes I just want to give up.

I used to live a peaceful life. I was contented and happy. But now, I feel so incomplete and restless. 

I guess I am more exposed now to the "evils" of the world. But still, like what Paul said, everything that I do is done with my knowledge. There is no such thing as being overpowered by the devil, or being lured to commit sin.  

I am the only one responsible for my actions. I am to blame. I have chosen to be in this path..

Instead of being more mature, I have turned into this childish brat, who cared about no one but herself. I have been such a pain in the a** for some people..I regret that.

Instead of being more responsible, I have become careless and insensitive of other's feelings. Again, I am to blame.

But despite all my shortcomings, wrongdoings and offensive actions, I've been blessed.

Today I received news that I never expected. I was hoping, but not expecting.

I was so surprised to see the words cum laude at the end of my name on the list of graduating students. I was overwhelmed. My parents are both so happy and proud of me.

Although I am extremely happy about this blessing, it left me questioning myself: do I really deserve this? 

The Lord is so good. Despite the numerous sins that I've commited, He still gave me this wonderful gift..

This blessing urged me to be serious in changing my ways. I really want to have my life back. My meaningful life. I would like to feel happy and at peace again.

I am determined. I am willing. I will change and be on the right path again..soon.

Am I ok? Am I still ok? gee..I don't know anymore. There's no improvement..I still feel annoyed and not in the mood for doing anything..

I used to enjoy this career that I have as a professional bum, but lately I'm feeling so useless. I definitely need to get a life!

Everything's going wrong..me and Paul..me and myself..and me and the television (the tube hasn't been showing any signs of programs with sense, aside from Gilmore Girls, of course [new season ]). What shall I do? hay..when will my ranting stop? When will I finally get what I desire?..I know! When I finally determine what I really desire..tsk tsk, big work here..

What is wrong with me? I feel like I have been so idle for the longest span of time..I have to stop this. I have to act now before it's too late..Ding, ang bato!!!

ok. enough of this nonsense.

Just got back from Cainta. We visited my dad's uncle, Lolo Boying and his new grandson Coby. Ang cute cute ng baby! He smiles, and even laughs, all the time. Sayang I wasn't able to take pictures. Maybe next time.

 

I'm currently into the color fuchsia (did I spell that right?), head bands and shades. It's about time to add a little "spice" to my look. I have to be careful though. I don’t want to overdo it. Ayaw kong mag-mukhang trying hard.

My mom decided to give a graduation dinner for me. I suck at being the host of the gathering. Pero okay lang siguro, kami-kami lang naman eh. And besides, I miss my high school friends. It will be a great opportunity for us to catch up with each other’s lives..and maybe plan a summer getaway. I just wish everybody could come.

Is this true? Have I really lost my appetite? I haven't been eating much lately. Wala akong gana talaga. I used to always have cravings but this past few days, I don't want to eat anything unless I really have to. Hay, even my appetite is becoming so unpredictable..

I was chatting with tita Alice and Jessica this morning. Ang aga aga, naka-harap nanaman ako sa pc. I have to stop this. Masyado na 'kong hooked dito!  Oh well, wala naman akong magawa dito, so okay lang siguro as long as I don't run out of internet card! hehe.

I spent the entire day looking for the perfect pair of shoes for tomorrow. It's so unfair! Why can't they make size four shoes? Almost everything that I tried on were either too big for me or had very high heels. Finding the perfect fit of shoes has always been my problem. I was getting desperate na kanina, I was suggesting that my mom and I look at the children's section! After two malls and about 10 shoe stores, I finally found one from Figlia. It wasn't what I was really looking for, but it will do. Kaysa naman wala. Hay, my feet are killing me! I enjoy malling, but it can really get so tiresome. One graduation problem solved.

Another thing that has been troubling me (and my whole family) is our ride for tomorrow. Since we don't have a car, we were thinking of renting one. Paul and my dad had been asking around for days and today, Paul was able to get one,yipee! Hay salamat, another graduation problem solved.

Now my only problem is how to convince my dad to allow me to go to our outing at Jaja's place in La Union. I really, really, REALLY want to go! Hmm..what tactic shall I use? I've already started doing the pa-awa effect and I think it's woking pretty well. Konti na lang, papayag din 'to..sana!

Gotta rest early. Big day tomorrow. 

When I graduated from high school, I did not have the chance to have my picture taken with me friends, therefore, I wasn't able to keep any remembrance. But it didn't matter since I was certain that I was going to see them again. This time I didn't want to take the risk. I wanted to make sure that I would have a souvenir from my college graduation. Pictures that I will surely treasure. But this doesn't mean that I'm certain that I will not see them again. I'll try my best to keep in touch.

Weird. I'm still not "feeling" it. Hay, maybe I just don't want to let go. To me this is just another vacation and in June I will be seeing them again. I know I have to stop being so sentimental and just move on. There's a new world out there waiting and I should make a new life. A fresh start for the newly graduate..maybe I'll just hold on for a while..reminisce as along as I can..savor the moment..remember every memory that I can as long as I still can..this will pass.

It's over. the four long years of college that seemed so short has finally come to an end..I will never forget my college graduation..it was almost a chaos. The people were not really as organized as I expected. Oh well, we are AB people. We are a chaos.

I'll miss a lot of things about UST..the main building that looks like a church (how many people had made the sign of the cross when passing it, huh?), the Santisimo Rosario Parish, which became my final refuge everytime I was feeling sad, the AB building, which was always referred to as the Commerce building (why can't we just call it the St. Raymond's building, huh? just to settle), the cooperative canteen, which was demolished just recently, Dapitan, Manong Solis who confiscated my id when I was only in my first year (I was sent to the SWDB for that. Salamat Polar Bear!) and who would always harass me whenever he saw an opportunity and reason to, all of my professors, the UST hymn that I never really memorize.

Here's my version:

God of all nations

Merciful Lord of our restless being.

hmm..hmm..hmm.hmm..

hmm..hmm..hmm..

hmm..hmm..hmm..hmm..

hmm..hmm..hmm..

Keep us in beauty and truth and virtues

Impassioned embrace

Ever your valiant legions imbued with

Unending grace.

Un--ending grace..

And to think that that was just the chorus part!

There is a part of me that wants to stay..but I know that I really have to go..

I was finally allowed to go to La Union, yipee!!! I'm so excited, I will definitely enjoy this trip..hay, another bunch of memories in the making.

Like Nicolas Cage in National Treasure, I never bluff. I find it hard to make a straight face when not telling the truth or when telling half-truth. I don’t really see the point in making other people believe something that’s not true. And personally, I think that there’s no such thing as white lies. I mean, a lie is a lie, whether black or white, or fuchsia, it is still not telling the truth.

I’ve learned in Ethics that there are other ways, moral ways of keeping something from others, while still telling the truth. Reservation is my favorite alternative. But although I believe that this is a moral way of keeping something from others, it doesn’t mean that I practice it. As much as possible, I really tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  I’m not being saintly here, but if there’s one thing that I’m not really good at, it’s lying. 

Funny though, no matter how honest you are, some people just find it hard to trust you. You do one thing suspicious and you end up being the suspect for the rest of your life. Another funny thing about it is that you know that you’re not guilty of the crime but you start acting weird because you’re not comfortable with the situation, and you badly want to clear your name but you don’t have any idea how to, thus strengthening the evidence against you. Pathetic.

Like what my favorite serial dater/poet said, life is fairly unfair. Everybody gets a dose of screwing up and being stupid sometimes. Everyone, at one point in our lives will suck at something. Everyone will have the opportunity to fail in something we knew we’re good at. But in every failure, there should always be a lesson to be learned. Otherwise, you just plain sucked. You should always look at the bright side and try to figure out what life’s trying to tell you. And when you find out what lesson it is, learn it. It is the greatest achievement you’ll ever get from failing. 

I just got back from Northern Luzon. Pretty broad, huh? specifically I went to..drum roll please..Vigan and La Union! (isang pangarap nanaman ang natupad) The trip was really a blast! I enjoyed it sooo much,despite the cruel weather and some disappointments..

1. Contrary to what I was expecting, there was only one cobbled street that contains old houses. It didn't even look like an old street anymore because it was kind of, commercialized already. And almost all of the old houses were turned into pasalubong shops.

2. Some of the museums were closed on Mondays. I was really intending to go to the museums but since we were running out of time to look for the other museums, we decided to just go to the nearest ones from where we were, UNFORTUNATELY, they were not open on Mondays.  (ang layo pa ng nilakad namin at ang init init init!!! )

3. Bagnet was so expensive pala..anyway, cholesterol lang yun!

I'm bored to death but I'm still too lazy to look for a job. Paul advised that I start looking in June para 'di daw ako ma-pressure. By then, baka wala nang matirang trabaho! (I rebuke!!!). But I guess I'll take his advise..He also keeps on reminding me about Fr. Lana's sermon during the baccalaureate mass to take things slow, so I'm gonna do that.

I have been doing nothing lately..as in NOTHING talaga!..Ay meron pala, In fairness to me, I managed to "revive" my old room. I have been wanting to get my own room back to have my privacy back and yesterday, I accomplished my goal.

I did not put any figurine displays anymore since it would only make my room look cluttered. I decided to keep it simple. The only displays that I have are pictures of my family, friends and of course, Paul. It feels good to have my own space again. Now I can have some peace and quiet whenever I want to..Kaya lang I'm gonna miss the TV..pero okay lang, I have the phone naman eh.

I watched Spongebob the movie the other day and I finally found out which character that Jollibee toothbrush holder is. It's the Gooffy Goober mascot, which is a peanut.

"I'm a Gooffy Goober, yeah!

You're a Gooffy Goober, yeah!

We're all Gooffy Goobers, yeah!

Gooffy, Gooffy, Goober, Goober, yeah!"

The movie wasn't really that funny. Paul and I were a little disappointed, but that's okay. We still love Spongebob. He's still our favorite sponge..and we also love Patrick Star. He's still our favorite starfish.

Moving on, I watched Anna and the King naman yesterday (hmm..obvious ba na wala akong magawa?). It was a long film pala and kind of like The Sound of Music, only there were more children (58--or was it 68?) and more wives (akalain mong may chief wife pa? hehe). And oh, aside from wives, the king also had a lot of concubines (pero wala namang chief concubine, hehe).Walang kahilig-hilig..

Enough about the movies. Let me talk about my favorite tv show, Will and Grace.

"But how do you thank someone, who took you from crayons to perfume? It isn’t easy, but I'll try" (Karen Walker's song)

Hay..I just love Jack! but I still wonder, is he really gay or is he just such an excellent actor?